TNN 95

Hello folks… an’ welcome again to we broadcast… Sorry about de breeak, but yuh boy had real work to do….. (deep voice)… This Is TNN…… Trinidad is nice…. Trinidad is ah paradise…… (Funny) …. (background music)

Jumpstation: Subdued on the sub-continent; School's out; New kids on de block; Strange bedfellows; What not to do on election day.

Well, we just finish ah Tes’ Series in Sri Lanka an’ for each one rain interrrupted play…. man, is really monsoon season because it raining like mad in Sri Lanka… raining blows that is! Bonjay! Look nah, man, when licks start to fly so, I feelin’ de pain dong here, ah fus’ it bad.  

Yuh could imagine ah team like Sri Lanka (Who dem?), de least rated team in Test cricket, beating de West Indies like dem is little boys…?!  

You could imagine Brian Lara scoring a century in each Test (he score 228 and 130 in de las’ two), making almost half of de runs on de team (one man!) an’ not for hell dem odder fellas wouldn’t put dong dey head and bat?  

You could imagine first de spinners an’ den de fast bowlers make mincemeat outta we?  We cyah bat spin, neither pace…? So what we could bat den?!  

Dis is tragic! Disgraceful! Humiliating and painful!  Back to before square one… de coach still teachin’ de fellas de basics.. like teachin’ ah NBA how to dribble… how yuh could play for ah region an’ eh know de basics?  Who was trainin’ yuh?  How yuh get pick? Only l’il Sawan try to come to terms wid de bowling.. all de rest ah dem jus’ fold up like roti.. an’ ah stale curry at dat!  

When we bowlers bowl, all dey gettin’ is tired.. Ducks like ah poultry farm up on de scoreboard.  

Since de matches wasn’t live an’ was not broadcast, yuh had to get yuh news from the Internet.  So yuh wake up sleepy, go to yuh computer an’ yuh seein’ phone numbers when yuh check de scores… 6,7,3 4,6,0,0.  

In de las’ two tests, Sri Lanka declare to let we bat an’ we still couldn’t even hold out for ah draw….. Before de tournament, we was concern for safety of de players because of elections an’ all dat.. but apparently dey wasn’t well protected enough… dey shoulda charge de Sri Lankan team wit’ assault an’ battery (of de West Indian ego an’ pride!).   

AH t’ink dey still have some triangualar one day series to play (I eh sure) before dey come home…….  Ah eh go lie, dey put sand in we rice dis rounds.    Maybe dey go change (dat an’ hen wit’ teeth yuh go never see!).

Well, a rather unusual situation has been occurring at de Ibis High School in Port of Spain… seems like instead of opening minds, children was falling asleep (no, de teachers wasn’t dat boring!). People was developing itches an’ getting rashes, headaches, etc….  

Instead of students breakin' classes, it was teachers who started to stay home… Dey call for ah investigation because de building was showing signs of “sick building”  syndrome.  

Well, dat get de Junior Minister of Education hot…!  He say de teachers fakin’, he eh get ONE medical report from any doctor dat dey sufferin’ from any illnesses, an’ if dey eh pass dey tail back in an’ teach de chilren, which dey getting’ paid good money for, well.. is he an’ dem…! 

So dey send for tests to be done… de tests come back….. ay-ay..  De Jnr. Minister say he eh lettin’ de teachers see de report because dey wouldn’t understan’ it!   

Now, he heself was ah teacher, so ah doh know who explain it to him!  An’ how come de teachers wouldn’t undertstan’ it… it not in English?! 

Well, ole mas start…teachers say not ah damn bit ah dat, dey eh goin’ back in no “gas chamber”!  

Dey run more tests again… dis time dey let dem see de results.. turns out dat de school had unacceptably high levels of carbon dioxide, which when mixed with odder gases could produce an even more poisonous mixture and basically dat de school was unfit for habitation. 

Oh goooooooodddddd!  De Jnr. eh know wey to hide he face, wey to put he head…. he come wit’ some po’-me-one apology, but still insistin’ dat people blowing it outta proportion…  

I eh have no problem , yuh know… put he damn office in de building!  Lemme see how long he go las’! 

So school’s out as dey say… a bit early in de day….. an’ dis was after dey spend nearly $20M on refurbishing ah ole warehouse to make it ah school…. wouldn’t it have been cheaper to build ah school… but  since dey run $200M over budget on de las’ setta schools dey was buildin’, an’ dey eh finish build all yet, maybe dis was de cheaper way!  

An’ dey have de gall to name de school after ah national bird… man dey should call dat school de Yard Fowl school or somet’ing, because dat never get off de ground!

NEW KIDS ON DE BLOCK....

Yeah, de cell block if dey continue…

Alyuh remember de fiasco wit’ de North West Regional (Un)Health(y) Authority….? When dey check for fraud an’ is because 3 men get trip?  Well, so happens that de Chairman of de board now has nine, read 9, charges against him for abuse of public office, mismanagement of funds, etc…  

Did I remark dat dis sonny-boy is also a Senator?  Oh, an’ now ah Minister is under investigation by the DPP’s office for allowing he family company to get special treatment an’ contract for de government….. add to dat, dat a former minister is languishin’ in jail for a murder charge, an’ now de PM is being investigated by the same DPP’s office for fraud against his own party?  

Apparently sticky fingers have some explainin’ to do as to how a US$50,000 cheque which was handed to him by de same Senator who have 9 charges against him, was not properly obtained, deposited or spent…

Well, well, well, de list continues to grow….. an’ de PM states dat he administration is not afraid of dealin’ wit’ corruption, after he sit on ah report dat showed dat de airport dey build had rachifee from day one.. is because somebody leak it to de Press dat all dis come about… same way de Minister who is accused of using public office to favour he family get hit… at least SOME journalists take dey jobs seriously.  

I would humbly suggest dat dese fellas, if found guilty, have a special section of de jail set aside for dem.. ah mean dem is high class people, dey cyah mix wit’ common criminals!   An’ dat section should have a special air-conditioned room , wey dey could get some good bullpistle everyday for lyin’, t’iefin’ an’ wastin’ taxpayers money…..!

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.... 

Expediency an’ politics certainly make strange bedfellows.. it difficult to tell who is who dese days… first de PNM had ah accommodation wit’ de breakaway faction of de UNC, den dat fall t’rough when de PM call ah election (basically de government collapse in office).  

Den like dat accomodation was off.. so now dey break off have ah new party called TU-Team Unity, but dey say dey is STILL de Executive of de UNC because dem was elected by the party voters.  However dey have candidates runnin’ against de PM’s faction of de UNC.  

De NAR leader jump off an’ say he tell NAR doh fight no election dis year because dey eh ready, but de executive eh agree wid him, so he resign, but he still wid de NAR!  Den de NAR form ah accomodation wid de Team Unity so, NAR contesting 6 seats and Team Unity contestin’ 30.  

But a couple days ago in Pt. Fortin, de mayor, who is ah PNMite came up on de platform to greet de leader of Team Unity, Ramesh “Twist Mouth” Maharaj.  Yuh get de picture…?! 

Well, you is ah better photographer dan me!  In between all ah dis UNC promising free primary school books and $1000 a year for all secondary school children.  

De PNM say dey going to look into doing de same programme, but first on ah pilot project.  

De UNC say dey go consider building ah mass transit system from Diego Martin to Cedros (why not go to Venezuela one time?!).  Wey all de money comin’ from?  Well de present Minister of  Finance say “we will find it…” (read borrow…. read taxpayers pay back).  

Pathos went one up… he say if de government decide to pay it, then dat is ah sign dat de money dey!..   Figure dat one out….. 

Doh talk about TV… every 30 seconds is ah ad, de radios same t’ing… ah stop listening to radio an’ ah only lookin’ at  NEWS on TV now… ah cayh take it no more! Lorrrrddddd, let Monday 10^th come quickly!

N.B.    The Cobra will have ah commentary next week just after elections on the political process in TnT…  doh miss it!

As is election season, de Cobra will present a few ideas on
WHAT NOT TO DO ON ELECTION DAY....

DO NOT:

Start tellin’ people in de line who to vote for… dat is called campaigning, an’ is not allowed!

Reach 6.05 p.m. an’ want to vote, because de taxi driver was drivin’ slow an’ it wasn’t your fault yuh reach late!

Spend ah hour in de votin’ booth… make up yuh mind BEFORE yuh go in…..

Take yuh two hours off to vote, leave work early an’ go home to sleep! 

Try to tell de Poll clerks how to do dey job… jus’ follow instructions! 

Stan’ aroun’ liming wit’ yuh frens drinking beers, in de yard at de polling station…… move de alcohol away from de compound….

Walk out de polling station, walk back in again an’ tell de Returning officer yuh change yuh min’ an’ want to vote again…!

Tell de election people yuh eh dippin’ yuh hand in de red ink, because yuh might forget an’ touch yuh clothes later…an’ dem stains hard to come out!

Mark two X’s by the party/candidate…. that is ah spoilt ballot, NOT two votes for yuh party! 

Dat’s all for dis week folks… remember any queries, questions, comments, hail outs etc… jus’ write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to yuh…  Take care care, alyuh, ah gone…. Peace… Look out for breaking new next week on TNN as soon as election results in!..  Yuh frens want to shake up .. (come wit’ it….!)… jam ah party song  (come with in…!).. we jus’ want to roll back, roll back all night long……. (background music, Stalin)

N.B. TNN 100 MAY BE THE LAST EDITION OF TNN, SINCE IT IS BECOMING A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO MEET DEADLINES…. WE WILL LET YOU KNOW , BUT WE GO BE HERE UNTIL CHRISTMAS, YUH COULD BE SURE……!